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incompetence my five star gym smelled like a kitty litter box this morning. the sauna wasn't hot enough and there were too many women dressing, showering and blowing their hair dry - i could barely move! great way to start the day. people pay a fortune to work out at this gym, and they can't even burn some incense, or spray some kind of air freshener? then, i was charged again by a company called reservation rewards. big scam artists. if you go to the movie fone site and purchase tickets you better be careful because you could be agreeing to more than purchasing tickets! you could be agreeing to a membership with reservation rewards. when the name showed up on my bank statement i was like what the fuck? fucking scammers. so, their charge of $9.00 shows up on my bank statement and i had no idea what for, or who they were. so i call and they tell me if i agreed to some movie fone thing, then i agreed to their charge. so i say, I don't remember agreeing to that charge. and they say, we wouldn't have charged you if you hadn't agreed to it. and then i say, cancel my membership NOW and NEVER CHARGE ME AGAIN. and what do they do???? SCAMMERS they cancel my membership and on my next monthly bank statement i see that they have charged me again!!!! incompetence. next to me, my work mate was on the phone this morning talking to her management rental office in the building she lives in. they claim they've lost her fucking money order for her rent - $1,000!!! the unfortunate part of it is that she doesn't have a receipt. and usually she keeps track of everything. incompetence. why is there so much of it in the world. oh, did i fail to mention that i put in for a change of address through the U.S. Post Office website (they charged me $1) and this was back beginning of January. I haven't received one forwarded piece of fucking mail yet!!!! incompetence. JESUS CHRIST. ****** after a two week hiatus, i went back to greek class last night. i confessed to adonis that i'm losing my momentum. that it's a viscious circle. i don't take the time to study, and then i find myself avoiding class because i don't have the answers and i haven't learned shit. (he is no help, encouraging me to cuddle with him every night and watch DVD's instead of studying). i told him i'm tired of giving up my wednesday nights all the time. i go to greek class and he goes out for coffee with his friends. what's wrong with this picture? at least he called to see if i wanted him to pick me up something to eat, but by then it was too late and i couldn't be bothered. i'm supposed to go for drinks tonight with my friend Jen, but i have a feeling she's going to have to cancel which will be very disappointing. I NEED TIME ALONE WITH MY FRIENDS!!! and what i realized today, is that i don't have many friends left. i'm talking quality friends. people i would choose to spend my time with. people who have something interesting to say. people come and go so quickly from our lives. when i think of all the good friends who have disappeared from my life over the years, either because they stopped calling, or i stopped calling (you forget after a while who is at fault)....regardless....it makes me sad. my two closest friends don't live in nyc. lola is in seattle, and denny is in boston. sherry, well i have never felt that i can really tell sherry what's on my mind and really feel understood, or that she's really paying attention. she's always somewhere else in her head, you know? but when it comes time for her to talk and me to listen, i'm all ears. that gets tiring after a while. i don't see sherry much anymore. i do love her. but i love her like a little sister. it's different. martin, well martin is neurotic, narcissistic and self absorbed but he does manage to get out of his own way long enough to ask me how i'm doing on occasion. but as long as i've known him, there has always been so much drama surrounding martin. a distraction from my own life for quite some time. no more. i haven't really spoken to martin since the last time i saw him when he came to the old apartment and i cooked greek food for him, sherry and adonis. it was our last hurrah there before sherry and i officially moved out. so many good memories there. but a lot of sad ones too. and then what does martin do, he starts trouble. he's good at that. knowing that sherry voted for bush he pulls out some political propaganda about how people who voted for bush are idiots, etc., etc. and sherry was hurt and angry. and the night ended on a sour note. so if not sherry,and if not martin, then jenny. but jenny is not always reliable. so who then? the only person on this earth that i find myself wanting to spend time with these days is adonis. but after a while i find myself going crazy. i need a girlfriend. (lola, i know you understand.) if it wasn't for this wonderful job i have, do you i just might have considered moving to Greece with adonis. hmmmmmm........ ****** last night we were both in good spirits. i came home from greek class feeling inspired again. it is true that even if i don't have time to study during the week there is always something new I learn from going to class. also, my friend MD and I were both photographed for one of the local greek papers. of course when i delivered the news to adonis he was beaming and told me we would be many copies of the paper and send some to his family in greece. which, made me love him more. he had come home from coffee with his friends. this always puts him in good spirits. when i delivered the news to him that i would likely go for drinks with jen this evening he didn't even flinch. although he did wonder where we were going. i do think he's insecure about my life in the city. it's hard for him to let me go, and trust that i'm not going to go off and find some rich, american man and leave him. i would never do anything to hurt him. and that is the farthest thing from my mind. but i understand his insecurity, because at times i imagine him talking to a younger, more beautiful woman when he goes out for drinks or coffee without me. trust is the hardest part of loving. the more you love someone, the more afraid you are of losing them. for that reason you have to be willing to let them go. to love someone is not to want to possess them. possession is not love. read Buscaglia.
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