friends
2005-02-18, 12:08 p.m.
MD: friends are not what they're cracked up to be, put it that way... to find true friends is really hard.
MD: i know a lot of people but i probably can't count on my hand true true friends
MD: that's why a lot of times, i keep to myself. i use to put my friends in high regard and than i learned the hard way
MD: but it's still good to have girlfriends around to talk girlstuff
Rose: oh my sentiments exactly
MD: for me, i had friends date my men, talk behind my back...
MD: not very nice things
Rose: but i have two wonderful friends, they're just in NYC...friends that i TRUST implicitly, genuine, down to earth, i
MD: that's great.
MD: good friends are very hard to come by
Rose: but i never see them
Rose: we write almost every day though
MD: that's great. you have more than most people
MD: you can know a lot of people but if none of them are true.. that's sad.
Rose: yes it is sad
Rose: and that's what i'm realizing these days...it's hard to find TRUE friends.
MD: me too
Rose: it is naive to think that you always get out of a friendship what you put into it
MD: people are selfhish
Rose: yes
Rose: and the older you get
Rose: the less tolerant
MD: less bullshit you want to deal with
MD: the drama
Rose: you were so good to me when I was having a hard time with adonis in the beginning, and confused, not knowing what to do
Rose: it was very sweet
Rose: i appreciated it
Rose: you genuinely cared
Rose: you took the time to walk me through it...not to act emotionally, but rationally....
MD: no i didn't
MD: ha
Rose: and you weren't judgemental
MD: just kidden
Rose: yes you did
Rose: HA
MD: that's the problem with most people
MD: they are judgemental and i hate that
MD: they're fake
Rose: your ability to let a friend come to their own conclusions with guidance, without judging, is a gift...
Rose: so many people who are "religious" are judgmental
Rose: that's what i find
Rose: and it gives god a bad name
Rose: it's not fair
MD: just cause you go to church
MD: doesn't make you a good person, yes you should go there but it's what's in your heart and it's the way you walk the walk and talk the talk
Rose: i think because you've been judged and you know how that feels
MD: i just hate gossipy and jelous people
Rose: T's family, and all that you went through with that
Rose: being judged for not being greek
Rose: for not speaking it
Rose: it's painful
MD: i just came across a lot of fake people
MD: full of themselves and very selfish
MD: always remember true friends are there with you when you are at your lowest
MD: not just with you for the good time
Rose: EXACTLY
MD: i had friend who i grew up with that we were close, partied, had fun... went out but when times were tough for me, they could care less...
MD: and i'll never forget that
MD: allot of my friend when T broke up with me, were not there for me at all
MD: nothing
MD: not even, how are you feeling?
MD: as if it was no big deal. like whatever, getover it
Rose: that's awful
MD: it's ok.. it made me a stronger person and it made me realize
MD: i don't need people to lean on for strength
Rose: hold on
Rose: i'm looking in my "Loving Each Other" book
Rose: it says some interesting things about
Rose: people chosing to be alone...and about jealousy....and forgiveness....
MD: well i don't choose to be alone
MD: just disappointed in people
MD: but it's ok, you just know where to place them in your life that's all
Rose: listen to this
Rose: it's really good
Rose: "We are responsible for our jealousy, no one else. Blaming others for what we feel, can lead nowhere. Change will only begin when we are willing to accept our jealousy as our responsibility, not necessarily bad unless negatively acted upon."
MD: but this is regarding a person who is jealous and blames others
Rose: "Persons who cling to jealousy destroy themselves. They use energies for dead-end feelings which could be channeled into creative solutions. Of course, no one chooses to be jealous, it simply happens."
MD: of course you choose
Rose: "Unless you enjoy talking to yoruself, it takes two for human communication. This usually means one to speak and the other to listen. But listeners are as rare as sensitive speakers."
MD: i disagree with the first part
MD: i think people that are jelouse choose to be jealous cause they are insecure and push their bad energy on other people
Rose: "Most of us have forgotten the fine art of listening. If we listen at all, which is RARE, we have the static of our own preconceived ideas working constantly until, when all is said and done, we hear not what the person is saying but what we are prepared to hear."
Rose: (i understand your point)
MD: i see where this man is coming from but
MD: i also think people are what they are because of what they feel inside and how they choose to live their life
MD: how they choose to express themselves
MD: some people choose to express them selfs in positive energy
MD: and make the best of things
MD: and some people choose to me misrable, always complain and always blame others for their shortcomings
MD: it's all a choice
Rose: that's what Buscaglia is all about MAKING CHOICES.
Rose: he's not saying that people don't have a choice, that they can't change if they tried
MD: it's quite simple
Rose: he's just pointing out the consequences
Rose: of those choices
MD: in the end bad energy brings bad energy back
Rose: yes, behavior breeds behavior. If i'm not negative...
Rose: i feel happier
MD: good energy always brings back good things
Rose: it's that simple
MD: of course
Rose: i don't like myself
Rose: when i'm complaining
MD: i see for example,
MD: there is a girl and all day she complains and puts people down
MD: everyone is wrong
MD: she's always right
MD: blah,
MD: blha,,
MD: all day
MD: she's so unhappy, no on wants to be around here
MD: why would you want to be around a person who complains all day long right?
MD: but say on the otherhand
MD: there is a person and she's positive and always has nice things to say, people will gravitate to that person more
Rose: yes
Rose: people are drawn to that kind of person
MD: i know i would be
Rose: well you're one of those people
Rose: that people are drawn to
Rose: the problem is
Rose: then the wrong people suck your energy
MD: when adonis complains right, you run away from him it's only natural
Rose: YES
Rose: i retreat
Rose: i don't want to hear it
MD: cause they need your energy
Rose: i don't understand the point of getting upset of stupid things and swearing for a half hour or more
Rose: let it go
Rose: but i do the same thing
Rose: but not in the same way
Rose: so i look at him and see myself
Rose: and it's not pretty
Rose: that's why i'm trying to be a better person, and influence him without him knowing
Rose: the last time that happened and i didn't respond
Rose: he calmed down
Rose: i let him rant and rave until he finally asked me to respond and i looked at him and i said, "I just don't see the point of getting yoruself all worked up over this."
Rose: yes, these people need your energy because they've wasted their own...like vampires
Rose: it's unconscious
MD: well they wouldn't like to be around another miserable person
MD: can you imagine
MD: they would sit there in misery
MD: ha
Rose: but what is that saying, misery likes company?
Rose: i find that to be true in a lot of cases
Rose: it's safer
MD: sometimes
Rose: people resent happy people
Rose: and it pisses them off
Rose: yes sometimes
MD: yep
MD: some people just choose to be miserable
Rose: hey, did you read the article in glamour about the woman whose husband cheated on her and she forgave him?
Rose: it's a really well written article
MD: no i didn't read it
Rose: but although she forgives him, things are never quite the same after
Rose: it's good
Rose: forgiveness is another thing
MD: you forgive but not forget
MD: forgetting is hard i think
Rose: well apparently forgetting is important too....because if youre remembering, you're not really letting it go
MD: forgetting is very hard.
Rose: but how do you forget, exactly
Rose: yes VERY
MD: cause how do you jsut stop feeling
Rose: "We fear forgetting for we believe this implies the washing of the wrong from the slate....
Rose: "Condoning the wrongdoing, and accepting the responsibility for the other's evil action.
Rose: "We resent our having to forgive without some act of repentance or punishment on the part of the wrongdoer. But forgetting does not imply that we condone the wrong.
Rose: "IT suggests that the action is past and for the future's sake it must be released so we can resume living again.
Rose: "Too often,t he process of recalling the past, in order to better deal with the present and the future, is a waste of time and serves little purpose.
Rose: "It becomes nothing more than a turning over and reliving of wrongdoings.
Rose: "This seems to serve mostly to enhance our discomfort, put us on our guard, enforce our anger and resentment and arouse our suspicons. Unless we aer able to forget the past, we'll never be free of its power to reawaken hate4 and pain.
Rose: "We will be forever engaging in a nonproductive, endless process. It is well known that love does not keep a record of wrongs.
Rose: Our need is to learn from wrongs, then having become wiser, let them go and move foward into tomorrow
MD: "Unless we are able to forget the past, we'll never be free of its power to reawaken hate4 and pain."
MD: i liked that part
MD: "If I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
MD: 1 Corinthians 13 on Love.
Rose: speaking of love....I LOVE this
MD: in the bible
Rose: it made me tearful
Rose: it humbled me
MD: always the best book
Rose: because lately i find myself
Rose: feeling
Rose: well paying too much attention
Rose: to what i'm giving in this relationship
Rose: and what i'm getting back
Rose: stupid
Rose: because LOVE shoud really be all that matters
Rose: so what if he doesn't get up anymore and make me breakfast
Rose: it's not about well i did this, so he should do that
Rose: right?
Rose: because he LOVES me....and every day he is present for me
Rose: so that's the part that gets confusing though
Rose: "it keeps no record of wrong"
Rose: that's the hardest part
Rose: because you do find yourself saying
Rose: "Hey what about the massage i asked for for V-day...you've had all week and still haven't honored it...if it were me, you would have gotten it."
Rose: you find yourself saying,
Rose: "Hey, in the beginning of the relationship, you made me breakfast, why don't you do it anymore? Why am I alwasy the one getting up and making YOUR breakfast, and YOUR lunch?"
Rose: "Why am I usually the one doing the dishes?"
Rose: "Why don't you cook for me as much as you used to?"
Rose: "I cook for you all the time."
Rose: what do you think?
Rose: is it human nature?
Rose: it's childish, right?
Rose: like the end part
MD: its' normal to fall into that
Rose: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
Rose: i like this too...we're all still children, really.
Rose: do we ever grow up?
MD: yes
Rose: do we ever stop expecting that someone will come and take care of us
Rose: the way our fathers or our mothers were unable to?
MD: it's means growing up spiritually
Rose: YES
MD: and become stronger and wiser
Rose: exactly
Rose: bravo
Rose: but you have to admit
Rose: and i think i heard you say this before
Rose: you want someone to take care of YOU
Rose: not the other way around
MD: well we should have both
MD: not only one way on either part
Rose: it shoulo be balanced
Rose: yes
Rose: and he does take care of me in other, more subtle ways, ways no one ever has before.
Rose: to show love, is better than speaking of it
Rose: i also remind myself of how young he is, and his upbringing, while i had a mother who nurtured and loved me with affection for fourteen years, until she died, he NEVER had that before
Rose: so where is he to get these resources?
Rose: from me?
Rose: i need to set an example
MD: yes but he also needs to respond to it
Rose: Tell me about T.
MD: T is very strong and secure
MD: i was always attracted to that about him
MD: but if people cross him once
MD: that's it they are cut forever
MD: he'll never speak to them again
MD: ever
MD: cause he's so loyal
Rose: and he expects the same
Rose: from others in return
MD: yes
Rose: i understand that
MD: he's a very strong personality
MD: very
Rose: three things you love about him
MD: his real
MD: he's loving
MD: always honest with everything he does...
MD: always
Rose: but honest people don't cheat
Rose: do you think he would ever do that again?
Rose: would you?
MD: we all make mistakes
MD: no
MD: no
Rose: you have both grown
MD: yes, we both grew up. that was several years ago.
YESTERDAY - TODAY - TOMORROW
LEAVE A COMMENT
