

see through
2005-02-24, 1:06 p.m.
i'm broke. you would think i wouldn't be. living with someone, you share expenses. but i have so many of my own, ones i don't want to share with adonis. it wouldn't be fair.
i'm in debt and i want out.
i'm in a debt management program now. i feel good about that. like i'm being a responsible adult for the first time in my life.
i'm amazed by the shit that's hanging out on my credit report. things i thought would go away magically - just disappear, are still haunting me.
a gym membership from 1992!!! can you believe that. i cancelled, they still wanted me to pay. i had signed a contract. i was fucking 22, 23 years old at the time. what did i care.
fuck you i'm not paying.
and now look. i'm 35 years old and i'm paying. $14,000 in debt from credit cards and unpaid utility and medical bills.
fuck me.
******
new york is no place to live when you don't have money. although, you do become a bit reclusive, which isn't an expensive way to live. so that's good.
i hate my morning commute.
i was convinced i would get up every morning, 6 o'clock, to get to the gym by 7, 7:15....i liked that commute.
i actually had a place to sit.
if i wait until the usual time, 8:15 to leave the apartment i'm guaranteed an exhausting commute. there's nothing worse than being packed like a sardine next to unhappy strangers first thing in the morning. so much perfume. no where to put my hands. if i find a place, well all i can think about is the germs.
i saw CHICAGO, paid a lot of money for front row and do you know what, i wasn't impressed.
new york doesn't impress me the way it used to.
broadway is over rated and over priced.
new york can't fool me like it could when i first moved here.
i see through.
i wonder if i could be happy living on an island in greece, just a short ride to the city, or visa versa.
living in the city, just a short ride to the beach.
******
my relationship with adonis, it grows stronger every day.
he's a better person since we met.
and i know myself better.
what can be better than that?
i think i'm going to take a course in screenwriting.
my back hurts.
i'm constipated.

YESTERDAY - TOMORROW
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