|
two pillars "And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart and the oak tree and cypress grow not in each other's shadow." - Kahlil Gibran ********** It took some time in this relationship for Adonis to understand and trust that if I go out for drinks with my friend and he's not always invited along it doesn't mean I'm going to do anything to betray his trust. And at the end of the night I always come back to him. That it's okay if he goes out with his friends without me always being a part of those plans, and visa versa. We don't have to be together all the time. In fact it's better when we're not. A little space brings light on the relationship - a prospective you can't get when you're always together. A plant, when properly cared for, will eventually outgrow its pot. The only way for it to continue to thrive is to give it more space - a larger pot, more soil. If you don't do this for the plant it would be considered negligent and the plant would eventually die. I tell Adonis space in a relationship gives you the opportunity to stand back and appreciate what you have together. When you're together ALL the time you begin to take each other for granted. You can't see the whole picture because you're on top of each other all the time. I tell him it's like going to see a movie and having to sit in the front row. You can't take it all in because you're on top of the screen. You'll miss something, for sure. It won't be the same experience as sitting in the back row. You won't be able to appreciate it as much, and you certainly won't be getting your money's worth. You really do need to sit back from the screen to gain a clear picture of what is happening. In other words....distance is a good thing. When I'm out with friends the truth is, Adonis is always much on my mind and often the topic of conversation. So even though he's not with me, he's very present and usually I return home loving him all the more. Especially when greeted with a smile and "How was your night?" Two couples, together, but having their own identities, and their own social lives is healthy and necessary. I wasn'st sure if this was going to turn out to be that kind of relationship. I was skeptical about his ability to trust me enough to let me be my own person. His need to control every situation and be a part of all my plans was not something I could have lived with or accept. He probably sensed that. He had a decision to make, you either love me enough to let me be my own person, or you try to control me and lose. What are we afraid of when we let somebody be their own person inside and outside of the relationship? Wanting to possess somebody is not to love them, it is a purely selfish need based on your own insecurity. You can't keep a bird caged forever or it will lose it's strength to fly, and it's spirt will surely be dampened. Being with someone who wants to be a part of your life is wonderful, but it's even better when they understand they don't have to be everything. I have to admit, Adonis wasn't the only one of us who had a lot to learn from this relationship. Although I always understood the necessity for autonomy and independence, when we first started dated i was very insecure about the fact that he was going out with his single male friends and not always inviting me. it felt a little bit like he was choosing them over me. I didn't like this side of myself. I never identified myself as being needy, or clingy. But I was very aware of the fact that I was extremely sensitive to abandonment - and was wrong to think that this was a form of that. The bottom line is, there are three essential ingredients to a successful relationship. 1. Freedom/Autonomy Everything else is a bonus. That's what I learned. Love Rose
|
|
welcome!
daily entrecard my other blog advertise here
affiliates
disclosure
|
