there's no place like home
2005-05-05, 1:33 p.m.
Last weekend was my big FAT Greek American Easter.
Lamb on a spit, and the whole nine yards.
His friends, and his friend's families all welcomed me into their homes. I spoke Greek with them every chance I could. Although I'm far from fluent, my effort went a long way.
The next day I would receive phonecalls from his friends raving about how much their families loved me.
I was in heaven, naturally. Without any real family of my own to speak of, it's like coming home again.
After filling out bellies with food and drink we went home on Sunday and talked about his family. Of course Adonis misses them. The holidays always reminds us of the family we grew up with, and the traditions that were instilled.
I asked him, "Have your parents ever told you that they love you?"
Adonis looked at me like I had three heads.
"No."
"No hugs or kisses."
"No, it's not like that in the villages. There is no one to teach you to be polite or affectionate. People are too busy to try to survive."
I looked at him, his body tangled up in my body. HIs hands holding my hands. He had just squished his long nose up against my cheek, as he often does throughout the night, in an attempt to somehow shorten it, or flatten it, or i don't know what.
I leaned in and kissed him. His lips still felt the same as they did that first time we kissed.
The perfect fit for mine.
And him - a ball of warmth and love.
He hadn't always been this way.
For the first six months or so, it was not always easy. So full of anger. Convinced that i would leave him. Practically driving me to do just that. Nothing I could do was ever good enough. The way I cut the tomatoes, the way I cleaned the house, the way I walked barefooted through the apartment, washed the dishes, etc., etc., etc. He would walk into a room and only see what was bad, instead of of what was good.
No one had loved him before I came along. He had never given them the chance.
And me. No love in my life either. 35 years old. Or sure there were versions of love, and what it could feel like if it were really mine, but all of it fleeting, and temporary, and wrong.
"So where did you learn to show your affections?"
Adonis looked up at me, smiling. "You."
And I couldn't stop the tears that came. I didn't want to.
This is real and tangible. Something I can reach out and touch. Something I can believe in because it's there for me in ways I never knew before.
Love.
For the first time in my life I'm happy. Not crazy happy. Or fairytale happy. I'm not sure that kind of happiness ever existed.
I am the kind of happy I saw walking past me in the streets holding hands. The kind of love I never thought I could have.
We still fight. I'd be worried if we didn't. The difference is how we have learned to communicate.
The things that used to bother him are never mentioned now. The most important thing is that we're there for each other. We're family.
There's no place like home.
YESTERDAY - TODAY - TOMORROW
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