dear byron
2005-11-04, 4:20 p.m.
Dear Byron,
Remember me?
I was the young girl,
eighteen years old,
from a small town
in Massachusetts.
My mother died
when I was fourteen.
My father remarried
when I was fifteen.
I was a virgin, confused
about her sexuality.
A theater student
with a crush on you.
You had a girlfriend
who had my name
and looked like me,
but she was much prettier
I thought. You were handsome -
A soccer player
from Brazil. You were
24 years old.
I was relieved
when you invited me
to sit next to you
in the cafeteria
It was two months
into my first semester,
I didnt have many friends
at the time
I was on my own
now, my father did not phone
my father did not visit.
Out of sight out of mind.
I was lying
when I told you
it didnt bother me.
The truth was
I was a scared little girl
who missed her father
so much she cried herself
to sleep at night, sometimes -
You would see me
in the hallways
and smile,
or wave.
I felt special.
when you invited me
to a party,
I said yes.
You asked me why I didnt
have a boyfriend.
I told you, Im not sure why,
I just never have.
I was drunk at the time,
and ready to tell you
all my secrets.
When you asked me
to take a ride to your place
To get some beer,
I didnt hesitate -
I trusted you.
Even when we pulled up
in front of your house
and you invited me inside,
I followed willingly
behind you, shivering
from the cold outside.
It was October,1987.
You told me to be quiet
as we made our way
up the stairs,
through the front hallway.
Your roommate was sleeping.
My head was spinning
by the time we made our way
past the kitchen,
into your bedroom.
I was confused.
about the beer
and the way your lips
crushed my lips
after you closed the door.
I saw the photograph
of your girlfriend
next to your bed
It was sobering,
and painful
when you pushed me
back onto your bed.
I couldnt stop
the room from spinning.
I couldnt lift
my head off the pillow.
I couldnt push
you off of me.
I couldnt believe
this was happening!
Any woman
in my position
would have screamed,
just in case
you didnt hear her
the first several times!
So why did you have to
put a pillow over my face?
And then you took it out
and said,Open your mouth,
and I did it. Better
than being ripped apart
inside. You made me sick
to death of men,
and, just to prove it
I left you a present.
And then you drove me home.
And then I went home and cried.
And then I blamed myself.
And then I fell in love with a woman.
YESTERDAY - TODAY - TOMORROW
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