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the past is dead
2005-09-28, 4:05 p.m.
The dream was a music video with special effects
familiar faces and phone calls
from voices of my past
those i never liked,
those i never trusted,
a sorcerer's spell on me
and the prayer i had to speak
out loud, to make it go away:
"Our father who art in heaven...."
I was driving recklessly in a car
trying desperately to drive without swirving
out of control, as bowling balls of fire came at me
from every direction -
i had to learn how to survive
the nine lives i'd been given
eight dead and gone, already
the regret i have
and the cats i gave up
(and wish to god i had not)
also appeared in my dream
in a different form; and
my dance teacher, who taught me everything
i know about dancing and men
and how to grow old with wisdom and grace
despite the follies of man, she told me
"You pick yourself up and move forward
catlike, into the future. The past must die."
I remember vividly
the feeling I had, while I slept
GOD was there
carrying me,
guiding me,
holding me,
speaking to me
the lyrics of a singer
i grew up listening to,
but never understood fully understood -
Suzanne Vega.
I didn't realize the significance
of the song
until the next morning
on my way to work
as the words repeated themselves
like a broken record:
"Even if I am in love with you,
All this to say, what's it to you?
Observe the blood, the ROSE tattoo
Of the fingerprints on me from you
Other evidence has shown
That you and I are still alone
We skirt around the danger zone
And don't talk about it later.....
But the only soldier now is me
I'm fighting things I cannot see
I think it's called my destiny
That I am changing......"
I'm fighting things I cannot see
I'm fighting things I cannot see
I'm fighting things I cannot see
That I am changing.....
YESTERDAY - TOMORROW 
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