chain
2005-08-02, 4:00 p.m.
why do we do it? spend most of our lives distracting ourselves from ourselves?
it's an epidemic.
lately i've been distracting myself with a new project. a trip to new orleans. the problem is i want to find the best vacation rental. not just any vacation rental. so i'm obsessed now with what if this one isn't as good as that one. and how will i ever really know unless i see the place. and trying to get four of adonis' closest friends to come along (will make it cheaper for everyone).
***
i have two stomachs now.
i'm going back to the gym tomorrow. honestly i can't wait.
******
my boss will be away for three weeks.
this will be an excellent opportunity to work on my greek, write some poetry, and read.
i used to dream of a job like this.
i am truly blessed.
******
last night i went to herula's for a couple of hours. she is dating one of adonis' friends and the two of us have become good friends. it was nice for me to get out of the house. adonis stayed home and watched kickboxing, which he is completely obsessed with. so i come home and he insists that i wrestle him. won't let me sleep or shower until i do. and i can't stand fighting. he always wins. naturally. and he likes to pinch the fat on my stomach, and tickle me - which i hate. i tell him, "STop, i mean it..." and he never listens.
i swear to god, i don't need a baby. i have him!
but i love him just the same.
****
planning for the future.
considering therapy.
maybe it's a good idea. or maybe i'll be more screwed up. it's happened before. the chances of finding a really good therapist is like winning the lottery. i won the lottery once. had a great therapist. then i moved here. if it wasn't for him, i would have never felt ready to move here. if it wasn't for him, i would never have moved here and then i would never have met adonis.
strange how life is.
ever trace an event back to a person?
for example
i'm so glad i met adonis.
if i had never moved to new york, i would have never met adonis. i moved to new york because i knew one person who lived here and she introduced me to a great living situation. if it wasn't for my dance teacher, who i've known since i was three, i would never have met the girl who introduced me to my roommates in new york that made it possible for me to afford to move to new york.
if it wasn't for my mother i would never have taken dance lessons, and therefore i would never have met my dance teacher.
it wasn't for my friend Denny, i definitely would not have gone out the night i met adonis.
if i had never gone to college i wouldn't have met Denny.
i went back to college because of therapy. so if it wasn't for my therapist i would have never met Denny.
if it wasn't for the affair i had with my boss in 1995, i would have never been screwed up and needed therapy. so if it wasn't for my boss i would have never met my therapist.
so i have several people to thank for my life with adonis, my mother, denny, my therapist and my boss.
you see how my mind works?
YESTERDAY - TODAY - TOMORROW
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