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bitching and complaining AGAIN
2005-07-14, 3:51 p.m.
i feel very unsettled today.
for the first time in weeks it has NOTHING to do with adonis.
in fact he and i had a nice talk last night. nobody got mad, or defensive and we were both able to talk about things that had been bothering us, our hopes for the future.
communication really is key in a successful relationship.
half hour later, at approximately 9PM he fell fast asleep.
i do love him.
*****
okay, so......my day started off with a shitty commute. i hate the nyc MTA. the cost keeps going up, and the service gets worse. pretty much every day on the new york subway can put you in a shitty mood. lately the train i take is always delayed. and usually this has something to do with a "sick passenger" on the train IN FRONT of us. i think it's all bull shit, frankly. the MTA is just cutting back to save money because they're getting ready to spend a LOT of money on security. of course when the trains slow down they're not going to say, "sorry ladies and gentleman for the delay...we don't have as many workers"...so they have to blame it on the "sick passengers".
but i did overhear a conversation the other day (a flamboyant gentleman talking to his gal pal)...and he mentioned that over 75% of all "sick passengers" are anorexic women passing out on the train.
this pisses me off.
would all the anorexic women living in nyc please start eating breakfast so i can get to work on time. (i'm sorry if i'm offending anyone but this really upsets me)
which reminds me.....there's a site called sexyanorexics.org or.com, something or other. i saw a program on the news about it. pretty much glamourizes frail bodies of women who are killing themselves.
nice.
i hate the world.
i really do.
which brings me to my next topic...
the woman i work nxt too...
WILL YOU PLEASE GO TO LUNCH SO I CAN HAVE SOME TIME AWAY FROM YOU. we share a very small space and she's RIGHT NEXT TO ME.
also....
she is always judging what i do and say and telling me how to this and that
she is protective, possessive obsessive about her boss (doesn't like to leave the phones for me to answer - which i find insulting. if i'm not doing something right TELL ME), which means she never goes to lunch.
she is blunt.
she is a kiss ass
i really can't stand her anymore.
so what do i do?
i'm stuck.
i fantasize about moving to greece. i would be a full time mother of course. i'm terrified.
had that talk with a greek woman who works on my floor today. she told me it took her sister THREE years to get pregnant. and her sister is 25. i'm 36...i probably shouldn't wait to long.
but i'm scared.
what am i scared of?
the responsibility. my life will change. i'll get fat. the finances. my relationship with adonis. all of it.
i know i'd make a good mother....but will WE make good parents.
i was thinking i should wait a year and just let it be the two of us before i start.....but maybe it will take two years to get pregnant....so start now?
i'm so confused.
how are you?
YESTERDAY - TOMORROW 
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