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20/80
2005-05-19, 3:35 p.m.
i'm really sad today.
not sure why.
i also don't feel very well.
could have been the article i read on askmen.com. (80% men cheat?)
could have been the two bathings suits i tried on. (I should just stick with the one i have, it's sporty but i don't have the figure for the kind of suits i'd really like to wear)
or it could be the change in weather.
i don't know.
sometimes i think i was better off being single.
i was never so vulnerable as i am right now.
i'm with an younger man.
he's gorgeous.
he could have any woman really. young, skinny, beautiful.
i'm none of those.
while i know that he loves me (adores me), and wants to spend his life with me, inevitably there will come a time when someone younger, skinnier and more beautiful than i am will find her way to him and offer him something i can't. (sex with another woman - variety - beauty and youth).
i'm terrified of the future.
why do i do this to myself? i have no reason to believe that adonis would ever want to hurt me in this way. but i have no reason to believe that he could be strong enough to resist the temptation if it were to present itself to him. (that's when the line between hormones and character gets very blury).
i wish i were naive. my head in the clouds. could believe in happily ever after, and love at first site, and that the percentage of men who cheat was really 20%, and that 80% were faithful and proud of it!
but i know too much about men.
and that's my own damn fault!
love rose
YESTERDAY - TOMORROW 
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