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the smell!
2005-07-13, 3:51 p.m.
this morning at 6AM i was awakened by a terrible blast....followed by a putrid smell.
in a huff i hurled myself out of bed and flung myself onto the sofa in the living room area. anything to be able to breathe again.
what angered me more than the terrible smell or the fact that it had woke me up was the fact that he continued to sleep. what angered me even more than the fact that he continued to sleep was that when he got up to go to the bathroom at 7AM and saw me on the couch he didn't say anything.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
this isn't normal.
it's one thing to fart when you're watching television, or walking down the street, but it's another thing to fart when you're in bed with your wife.
it's not normal or right that I should have to be the one to move, or get up. it's not that it's just slipping out. well sometimes i guess it does. but most of the time he holds his breath and forces it out.
i know the difference.
he knows how i feel about this. a few weeks ago i asked him, PLEASE respect me enough to turn your ass the other direction (not facing ME) when you let it out. and he did...for a while...and then last night...oh god and the smell.
look i knew what i was getting into, sure. but let's not forget that he wasn't doing this the first one, two, three, four weeks of our relationship. in fact i don't think he let one rip until he had known me a couple of months. (but don't hold me to it).
none of his friends do this to THEIR girlfriends. when he does it to them they all laugh, but i think they can't believe it. and i know damn well that if THEY had to live with it they wouldn't like it either.
so at 7AM i returned to the bed. "Are you done farting?" I asked him.
and with a fucking smile on his face he had the nerve to say, "I wish to fart right NOW."
so i said, "That's it...i'm going for a long walk."
"Make me a coffee," he had the double nerve to say.
"Make it yourself." I snapped back.
i regretted my tone immediately. but it was too late now.
i got dressed; shorts, a top and some sneakers. tied my hair back. he was still lying in bed staring up at the ceiling.
i wanted him to understand. i didn't want to just leave him lying there and take off without an explaination.
i sat down on the edge of the bed, putting on my socks. "I can't take it anymore hun. I really can't. I'm sorry but it's awful..."
his lack of remorse and failure to comment infuriated me.
i felt like he didn't care.
so i left.
i walked as fast. i walked away from the apartment we share together and found myself walking toward the old apartment i had lived in before...when i didn't have to put up with the smell of his farts, or his criticism...when i didn't have to answer to anybody. when i had a dog and two cats that didn't (well maybe once or twice) even fart, and loved me just the way i was.
and i became very angry. how was it possible that he could not understand what i was trying to say to him.
i stayed along long enough, i thought, for him to be gone. usually he leaves for work at 7:30. It was 7:40.
but as i was coming in, he was going out. the _expression on his face one of confusion and hurt and anger.
he walked right past me without saying a word.
"Can't you understand what I'm saying?" I asked him as he was about to leave.
he didn't say anything.
i was fuming.
and then he was gone.
if his silence wasn't bad enough. he left the lunch i had prepared for him the night before. somehow i knew he would. the thought had actually occurred to me that he would do this to get back at me. my impulse was to throw the damn lunch away.
lucky bastard. not many wives cook dinner for their husbands, let alone prepare their lunches and work FULL TIME.
just then my phone rang.
it was him.
"What's your problem?"
"Why can't you understand where i'm coming from? It's not right that everytime YOU fart I have to get up and leave the room. NObody else's husbands or boyfriends do this to them. You wouldn't like it if I did it to you. I can't take it anymore..." I was crying.
he was quiet.
"Lately everything is a problem with you?" He continued gently.
"ME? ME? You're the one who has a problem with EVERYTHING I do. And if you think i have so many problems....maybe this isn't working out."
FUCK. I had just done the very thing I promised myself I would NEVER do. The very suggestion that it wasn't working out.
"You don't like it when i work late...you don't like my farts..." (I almost burst out laughing. the whole thing sounded ridiculous)
"I never said i don't like you working late...just that one night when you were working until 9 o'clock at night. i was concerned because we had to get up early the next morning to catch our flight and you were killing yourself. And only because I care."
"And then I asked you to make my coffee and you couldn't even do that."
"Because I was going for a walk, and you are capable of making your own coffee. And I do everything else for you. I'm not your slave. You can make your own coffee every once and a while. And it would be nice if you would make it for me sometimes."
There we had both said our peace.
"Well...I'm about to get on the train," he told me.
"Okay..." I felt so sad.
*****
Later, as I was waiting for the train...I sent him an animated image blowing him kisses
And he replied by sticking his tongue out at me.
Ahhhhh......yes......married life.
I do love him.....but the smell...... 
YESTERDAY - TODAY - TOMORROW 
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