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alien abduction
2005-05-18, 3:34 p.m.
i'm beginning to think that i was abducted by aliens.
don't laugh.
this is serious stuff.
my mind. it seems to have taken a hiatus.
over the weekend i managed to lose my keys, forget my pocket book at a restaurant, and my leather jacket at a lounge.
also yesterday a mysterious hole shows up on my hand. perfectly round and small, and swollen skin underneath where a needle could have possibly been injected.
also, a scratch on my forehead the shape of a thunderbolt. and underneath it...a bump.
i have no idea how i got it.
i once knew a woman who claimed that when she was fourteen years old she was abducted. she lived in...oh jeez...i can't seem to remember....holbrook?
so she's walking down the street to go to the party. socks rolled over a pair of jeans was the popular trend at the time. and being popular, as she was, she had her socks on over her jeans.
ok. she is walking down the street. (i guess the party was walking distance). it's like 7PM. suddenly out of nowhere something bumps her in the forehead. she explains the feeling like that of someone taking their finger and lightly flicking it. and some light flashes in her eyes.
boom.
she's walking down the street again. she looks at her watch. it's like 8:30. her jeans are now rolled down OVER her socks. she has no idea what happened. an hour and a half passed by, her socks are tucked UNDER her jeans now, and what the hell was that light.
that's all she remembers. that's all she knows.
but i do have to say, this friend was a freak of nature.
she was not your typical woman. no emotions. i never saw her cry. although a good person, god fearing, very religious, she was quite cold really. nothing seemed to move her.
what happened that night?
and what the hell happened to my keys?
*****
last night adonis and i had an argument.
stupid stuff.
he's on the phone with his friend - i don't know who, but whoever it was he tells them, "You know Rose doesn't want me going for coffee...." or some shit like that.
NOW...i have told him before it bothers me when he USES me as an excuse not to have to go to coffee with his friends. He knows damn well if he wants to go, he's going to go, and i'm not standing in his way.
the last thing i want is his friends thinking i'm keeping him from them.
so i've told him before, "Please don't do that."
he just laughed. he thinks i'm overreacting.
then last night he does it again and i get angry with him. "Don't say that", i barked at him while he's standing beside me, cell phone in hand, mid-sentence with his friend.
so he shoots me an injured look. a look that says, "what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you snapping at me. i was kidding." then he walks away.
when he hangs up with his friend, five minutes later, i'm thinking okay let's resolve this now. i don't want tension. we love each other. we have new furniture arriving. we're not supposed to be fighting. and what right does he have to be mad at ME. let me help him understand where i'm coming from.
so very gently i tell him..."Why do you do that? You know it upsets me. I've asked you not to say that."
he ignores me. IGNORES me. he's sweeping the kitchen. i'm doing the dishes. the furniture is arriving shortly. we've just eaten roasted chicken. everything was going so well up until that conversation.
so i get upset, because you don't ignore someone when they're trying to talk to you. to resolve something. i wasn't attacking him.
and what did i do wrong?
what it ultimately comes down to, i thought to myself is that he's just as sensitive as i am.
no really.
in this growth spurt of the relationship Adonis began to have feelings, emotions. he began to get hurt when i was get angry with HIM. he started to care that I was upset. it bothered him. it effected him. sometimes he admitted that if we left for work angry with each other his whole day would be fucked up, he couldn't function.
so i made a mental note to myself not to stay mad at each other. always resolve the issue before going to work, or going to bed.
but here he was ignoring me.
so i'm injured now. angry, sad...i don't know.
i just bought to beta fish that day.
appropriately named rose and adonis. (adonis is a blue fish, and rose is red.)
beta fish cannot be placed in the same bowl or they will attack each other and ultimately one will kill the other. (HA)
so i go in the bedroom and watch the fish. and then i start to cry because i'm thinking about my animals and how much i miss them. and i gave them up for THIS?
it always feels like the end of the world to me when we're fighting. it feels like the relationship is over. that things will never be the same again. like my whole world has come crashing down.
a part of me wants to run, always. just put on my coat and my shoes, take my bag, some money, my cell phone and my keys (in case i come back and need to get in)...and go.
i have done it many times. even in the pouring rain without an umbrella i have been known to flee. desperate for him to miss me, to realize he's wrong, to call.
he always does.
and then i always go back.
and we always make up.
but tonight i make a vow to myself not to run.
probably because the furniture is arriving.
we are silent. not speaking....until i he finally looks at me and says "What?"
and i say, "I already told you what. It hurts me that you continue to USE me as an excuse not to go out with your friends. If you don't want to go tell them the truth, you're too tired, or you would rather stay in. But don't use me any more."
"Yeah, yeah...i'm using you," he says condescendingly.
he's brushing his teeth now.
i hate watching people brush their teeth. it grosses me out. and i don't like his tone. so i throw my hands up in the air and go back to the bedroom.
in silence, and in separate rooms (with him in the kitchen and me in the bedroom) we sit waiting for the furniture, and contemplating the future?
finally the phone call comes. the furniture is outside. i go to tell him, and he's asleep, head in arms, at the kitchen table. when i tell him "they're here", he takes his time getting up, opening his eyes, he shoots me a look that of hated.
i burst into tears. praying for an alien to abduct me. anything to escape this tension.
the furniture was my idea. i paid for it. i wanted to make the place feel more like a home than just a place to eat and sleep. now he seemed to resent the fact that he was roused out of sleep to let the delivery guys in.
and resented me?
like my father, it was amazing how a single _expression of disapproval could reduce me to tears.
it didn't help that the sofa took half an hour just to get in the front door of the apartment building.
and it certainly didn't help that once they got it downstairs in the basement, it would NOT fit through our door.
adonis was a cursing machine.
the delivery men glanced over at me, standing off to the side, making sure to stay out of his way. i couldn't help notice their expressions were that of empathy.
*****
the good news is that the story has a happy ending.
okay, so the sofa didnt' fit, but we still got a love seat and a chair, and some great end tables and a coffee table, and once it was set up it looked great.
also we made up. he admitted he was wrong. that i hadn't done anything wrong he was just upset that i had snapped at him.
we kissed and made up, showered, settled into our new furniture - arms around each other, and breathed a sigh of relief.
we were in bed by 10PM.
when i woke up...do you know the scratch was gone?
Love Rose
YESTERDAY - TOMORROW 
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