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here i am! it has been quite some time. the more things change the more they remain the same. i meant to write, but didn't. couldn't. wouldn't. or didn't want to? needed a break. that's it. so much has happened. i'm married now. two times. city hall and church ceremony - one year later. adonis and i have been together now two and a half years, married one and a half years. it feels longer. and we grow stronger. more patient. best of friends now. we laugh more than we fight. and when we fight we work hard toward resolve. he's a good man, my husband. my two closest friends would tell you he's changed immensely. he's happier, calmer, more patient. he respects me,loves me, doesn't want to hurt me. it wasn't an easy road, you know. i am married to a greek. he has a short fuse and a BIG heart. he likes things done a certain way. he loves looking at women. but when he realized how some of these things could hurt me, he stopped. he actually likes looking at EVERYONE, but it just so happens that only some of them bother me. the good looking WOMEN. it doesn't bother me as much now. i know he loves ME. ******* i still work as a secretary, but I think i've been through two jobs since i last wrote, and am starting a new one tomorrow. (it's not me, really it isn't!) i have been sick one week now, bedridden, so i am really looking forward to getting out of the house. still...i did really enjoy the alone time. always happy to see adonis at the end of the day, but it gave me a chance to listen to music, read, organize , and sleep. nasty cold. adonis and i, there is not a lot of things we don't do together. i prefer his company over anyone else's...but i do recognize, as he does, how important it is for us to have time alone with our friends. that doesn't stop him from insisting i come along with him for coffee when i tell him to go without me. i know his time with his friends will be different without me tagging along. unfortunately i don't have many friends here. as you get older the depth of the friendships you form don't go beyond that of emails and occasional calls, maybe a lunch once a year. that's the truth. especially in a big city when you're life is on full speed and you look forward to just coming home. adonis is out now, having coffee with his friends. he tells me he feels bad leaving me home sick, i insist that he goes without me, and not only that he shouldn't feel bad and he should enjoy himself. man works hard. very hard all week, gets up early buys me chicken soup, goes to work, comes home, buys me more chicken soup, nyquil, whatever i need. rubs my back when i cough. he's a good man. besides...it gives me a chance to spend time doing something i haven't done in a very long time. write. ****** planning a trip to hometown next weekend. adonis and i will be greeted at the airport by denny. then we'll spend the weekend at denny's and use her car, while she is away in orlando. so it works out well. we'll go to the cemetary. put some flowers down on my mother's grave. i'll show him where i grew up. introduce him to a couple of people. and then we'll turn around and come home. to be honest, i'm not really looking forward to it. we've traveled a lot this year. north carolina, florida...and the idea of getting on a plane again, and then coming back in less than two days, after 1 week at a new job, not to mention the emotional toll it will take on me... but i will see denny. so looking forward to that part. ***** i guess i should tell you how beautiful my church wedding was. i'm the girl that never envisioned herself as a bride. so to look at myself in the mirror in my gown and veil, really was the strangest thing. after we got married in the church things felt a little different. our relationship strengthened. the sex felt meaningful. i can't explain it. i think that the ritual cemented the feeling, as opposed to a quickie at the civil court. text message from denny...have to go. will be back soon. promise
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