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big secrets on little gadgets "I don't believe in complete honesty in a relationship. I think we have to keep our secrets. I think that secrets are an important part of keeping a relationship alive." -Goldie Hawn I keep all of my writing - poetry, plays, letters, journals, etc. on a flash drive that was given to me by one of my former employers - a cute little thing with their company logo, it has plenty of extra memory and it's a place to keep documents private. I debated for a long time what I should do with a lot of these things that I kept on a desktop computer before I met my husband - some of it so incriminating it could possibly end my marriage. I probably should have deleted most of these things along with the photos I destroyed - photos of past lovers, photos of me trying to be sexy, photos of my wild escapades when I was single and didn't have anyone to answer to. But I keep them instead on this little gadget, in a secret spot and pray that if something happens to me my husband doesn't figure out what it is or how to use it. Look, I know what some of you must be thinking...secrets are not good in marriage. But here's my thought on it....the revealing of those secrets is not good for a marriage. And as long as these things you've done were in your past, before you met your spouse or significant other, then it's okay to stay there...hidden away on a usb flash drive. Why do so many of us insist on knowing every gory detail of our boyfriend or girlfriend's past relationships, behaviors and exploits? How is this relevant to your relationship now? Do you REALLY want to know how many men she slept with? Can you handle the truth? NO - well then don't ask. My husband has plenty of things in his past that some women would not have been able to accept and yet somehow he felt inclined - trusted me enough even to tell me. And although I tried not to judge him, and made him feel okay about what he was telling me, I really wish I didn't know any of it. It stuck with me for a long time. Of course I had to remind myself that I was no angel either but it bothered me that he'd made it clear from the start he knew I had "a past" (don't we all) and didn't want to hear any of it. Was that really fair? Regardless it is probably why we're together today. Had he insisted on knowing, I would have told him the truth (or a version of that truth) and the this would have likely destroyed any chances of a future together. And it's hard to imagine my life without him or the baby.
chaos the javelina hunter - 2008-03-16 17:26:37 |
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