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<< still in my pajamas and it's almost noon >> This morning I woke up with the baby laying on my breast crying in his sleep. He was obviously sleeping heavily and having a bad dream, one I could not wake him from. Try as I did to nudge him awake, he kept crying and sleeping. But here's the thing, the sound of his cry was not familiar. It did not sound like a baby crying, it sounded like an older child. I can't explain it any other way. It frightened me a little. My son has certain mannerisms that freak me out from time to time. Like sometimes he'll be sleeping but open his eyes wide and look at me. I swear he's sleeping the whole time because one time I started talking to him and he startled, his smile quickly changing into tears. Now I know enough not to talk, just let him closes his eyes again and resume sleeping. I can remember also when he was a newborn he would often laugh in his sleep, and again it was not the laughter of a baby but an older person. I have no doubt my son is an old soul. I felt it from the first time he and I looked into each other's eyes. He's deep...I feel it. I know that he'll teach my husband and I a few things in exchange for all the love we can give him. So he's at that threshold of "almost six months", and making so much progress on his belly. I see him trying to push his little tush up off the floor to move himself forward. The only problem is that he becomes easily frustrated when I put him on his tummy. Within ten minutes or so he's crying to be picked up or positioned on his back again. I recently purchased a set of PLAY MATS so that the baby can roll all over the floor to his hearts content without hurting himself. We have hard wood floors and I am always worrying he’ll roll off the yoga mat I’ve been using and hit his head. These will also come in handy when he begins to crawl. I am really looking forward to making my own baby food. I also purchased a FOOD PROCESSOR so that I can puree all kinds of healthy concoctions. It will be a while before he's eating a large variety of foods as the doctor has advised me to slowly introduce one food at a time. This is just in case you discover your child has an allergy, you can easily identify the culprit. I don’t know why but lately he’s been balling his fist up and hitting anything he can with it, his leg, his head, my head….It comes and goes, but this is new and I’m not sure if it’s that his stomach is bothering him or what, but I got right on Google to do some research on this kind of behavior and could find only one thing mentioned for a baby his age - it suggested that if the child hit’s the side of its head he could have an earache. Other than that it was all related to toddler behavior. I did see a mention of an indication the child could have Tourettes, but again it didn’t seem to apply to an infant. **** I am very disappointed with the “Luvable Friends” line of baby clothing. I purchased a package of sleepers, size 6-9, and my son who is not even six months old yet cannot fit into them as they have shrunk significantly after just one wash. I purchased them because they were “Made in India” and I would much rather purchase products made in India (to support a country other than China for a change), but I am sorry to say I will never buy another “Luvable Friends product again. I found the same to be true for some of the OLD NAVY line of baby clothes. Although I love these little outfits. Fortunately the size 6-12 months that I purchased still fit my son after a wash, but I suspect that by the time he’s seven months old he will no longer be able to wear them. ****** I tried to explain to a friend of mine yesterday how I can never seem to find a block of time to get much of anything personal done and he didn’t believe me. This pissed me off. I guess I wouldn’t have believed me either if I didn’t have a child of my own. Incidentally he did have a child but abandoned her and her mom when the child was only eight years old. He “thought she would be better off” without him. That was his way of justifying it. He also said he woke up one morning and was not longer in love with the mother of his child. I love my friend, but his failure as a father sadly reminds me of my own father and I can’t help but judge him. I had a woman tell me I should get used to not having time for myself, at least until the baby is old enough for preschool. I really hope that’s not the case, but I have no reason not to believe her. The baby is still waking several times a night. After a week of going without his pacifier we came to the conclusion that it was not the pacifier that was causing him to wake so much so we gave it back to him. Now he goes to sleep right away with it but doesn’t stay asleep much longer than an hour and a half, two hours tops. I have come to accept it. Last night he would not go right back to sleep with pacifier or breast, so I had to let him sleep nestled into my neck, tummy resting on my chest. Like I said in my intro, he slept so deeply I woke to the sound of him crying. I can’t help but wonder what he was dreaming. Can babies dream? ***** Last night my husband and I were looking at photos of the baby when he was just born and I started to cry. That time in his life and ours is gone now and we’ll never get it back. “I can give you another baby if you want,“ my husband quickly suggested. “Another boy.“ He just does not relent. So I had to ask him, “Do you REALLY think we can handle another child right now? Do you want to go through that all over again?“ (I did not have an easy pregnancy or labor). He hesitated and then answered, “I don’t know.“ I accused him of listening to what too many people are saying about how the baby needs a sibling and when are we going to get started with the next one, etc. etc. “I don’t give a shit what people are saying to me”, he quickly defended himself. Then the baby woke up from a sound sleep so we were unable to continue the conversation. By the time I got the baby back to sleep, I returned to the living room only to discover my husband asleep on the couch. ****** In closing, I would like to thank those of you who have taken the time to leave me comments (NANCY, Shirley, Courtney). I really wanted to have this feature on my site to encourage feedback and get to know who my readers are. So much so that I sprang for the $55 a year Diaryland charges you to have this feature. So PLEASE, if you are one of my faithful readers introduce yourself. You can leave a comment by clicking on the "Comments" link at the bottom of every entry. ****** I think I’ll order food from the deli across the street for lunch today. Don’t tell my husband.
sduckie - 2008-03-19 18:15:36 |
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