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<< going to greece! >> Yesterday I thought about visiting some old friends - the guys at the firehouse down the street from where I once lived with two cats, a dog and two roomies. These guys were like brothers to me. But, as much as I would love to have seen the guys and introduced them to my son, I did not go to the firehouse with my son in tow because I consider that in some way a betrayal to my husband. It's not that he would ever find out, but I would know I'd done it and would feel guilty. Would I want my husband going to visit a house full of women who he'd known before he met me? Ahhhh, NO! But the guys were on my mind as I took my long walk to meet with a HIP Representative about getting my son some health coverage. And JUST as I had dismissed the idea I looked up and THERE was their fire truck! Problem was it was across the street and the light was red. I certainly couldn't cross against the light and risk my son's life and mine just to say hello. Instead I stood, in amazement, as I watched the truck drive off. But that's not the end of the story. I had a feeling they were headed to the supermarket at the end of the street, about ten blocks down. They used to go there every day to buy their groceries for their evening meal. (Yup they cook, and boy can they cook!) Even though it was a little early for them to make their grocery run, (I used to know their schedule well), I just had a feeling they were there. Well...it just so happens this supermarket is across the street from the HIP Rep I was scheduled to meet with. So I ventured over to the parking lot and yes, you guessed it, there was the truck. I waited a few minutes and was just about to leave when they came out of the market carrying their bundle of groceries. And there he was, my favorite, Lou! What were the chances of that? Lou and I had a special bond. It was not sexual, rather familiar with a little bit of sexual tension, I'll admit it. But Lou is a family man, deeply committed to his wife and kids, so sitting next to Lou on the firehouse couch was as close as we ever got to doing anything we probably both would have regretted. The only thing I could think of as I stood there showing my son off to these guys was how much my life had changed in three years. Also how time flies, because I could not believe it had actually been three years since I'd seen Lou. He never did. (I dated two of the guys and would never want to admit it to him.) Lou who knew me well, just kept shaking his head back and forth, smiling, and reminding me that I had sworn to him that marriage and children were not in the cards for me, "And now look at you!" We stood there for about ten minutes playing catch up and then said goodbye and parted ways. And as they drove off beeping their horn and waving I felt a little longing for my old life. It's not that I'm not fulfilled with my life now, but I could really be myself around those guys and they never judged me. If I felt lonely on the holidays I always knew there would be five or six guys on shift who would welcome me with open arms and a hot meal. And while my husband and I have a great relationship, and I never have to spend another holiday alone, I'm afraid I can't say the same about really being able to be myself without feeling judged. Maybe that's just marriage, and it comes with the territory of intimacy. The closer you are to someone the harder it becomes not to judge them. But there are parts of myself I've had to either reserve or set aside over the years because I knew he would disapprove. I'm sorry to make this generalization but Greeks are very critical people. If you spend your day sitting at a Greek cafe you will understand what I mean. They can't help themselves, they have to talk about EVERY one. What this one's wearing, who that one is with, how fat he is, how hot she is, blah, blah, blah. As a result the closeness I have forged with my husband's friends is mostly surface. I cannot say that any of them REALLY know me. ***** So I got up this morning and checked my email, as I always do and guess what? My husband received notification from Immigration that his GREENCARD is in the mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After two and a half years it finally happened. I can hardly believe it. We're going to Greece! I finally get to see where my husband grew up and meet his nieces, his nephews and his brothers. When I called to tell my husband the news he was ecstatic! I was hoping we could hop a plane in April for Greek Easter, but he's thinking of going in the summer. Probably is it's very expensive to go to Greece especially in the summertime. But if it's summer he wants, then it is summer he will have. It's been almost ten years since he has set foot in his country....let him have his summer. Wow...I'm kind of nervous about the whole thing. I hope I can be happy there for three weeks, being that my Greek is so limited. I worry about feeling shut out. I also worry that my husband will leave me at home with his mom and go out to the cafes with his brothers. That would not be fair but it is the norm in Greece. The men sit outside at the cafes all day while the women stay home and cook and take care of the children. But I'm not going to worry about what hasn't happened yet. This is my new thing. After reading "A New Earth" I am constantly reminding myself that the past and future do not exist. Only the present. THIS moment. Worrying is pointless. Strange, moments after I hung up the phone with my husband who was at work when I called him, a "Go to Greece" commercial came on. It's the first time I've ever seen Greece advertise tourism on American television. Well we're on our way!
birdandegg - 2008-03-26 16:08:49 |
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