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I am a 39 year old, stay at home mother of a beautiful baby boy. I got married late in life when I was 35, and had my son at 38. Although I never planned on marriage or children, I have to say that both my husband and son are the best thing that could have happened to me (regardless of how much I bitch and moan). My passion is for travel and cooking. I also love to write and have been blogging on d-land since 2003. (Click HERE to read more.)

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Mama Rose baby

The Real Scoop

turning into mom
2008-04-21, 9:25 p.m.

My son has quite the personality on him. It's amazing that even at this young age (six months) he is already showing signs of indivuality, preferences and disposition. Where does this come from? I'm intrigued.

I love the fact that when he's excited about something he opens his mouth up in an exagerated expression where it stays for the longest time. He loves it when I sing to him. As soon as I start singing "My Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music, he gets so excited he buries his face in my shoulder and giggles.

When he's breastfeeding he likes to savor his meal. He'll go in for the kill, practically devouring my entire breast, where he'll stay for about a minute and then he'll turn his face away to look at my husband, or talk to himself, and then back again to the breast.

He doesn't like oatmeal, but he loves banana.

When he sneezes and I say, "God Bless You" it makes him smile.

He likes having a bath but hates it when I take him out of the water and lay him on his towel. (I wonder if it reminds him of the feeling of being thrust outside the warm womb into a cold, sterile environment the day he was born).

He loves the remote control more than any toy I've purchased for him. (Typical boy).

*******

So I've been putting my son in his crib as much as possible. Some nights are better than others in terms of how many times he wakes and how long he sleeps. At first I thought the crib was helping him sleep better, but then I realized it was really very random.

I started putting him in his crib because my husband and I had no room and could not sleep comfortably or well. Also, the crib has an organic mattress which was really important to me to purchase, and I believe that it's a lot healthier for him to sleep on that than on the three year old King Coil that's probably loaded with dust mites.

But here's the thing, sometimes I really miss having his warm little body next to me at night and I find myself bringing him back into the bed. Before he was born I had read about how beneficial co-sleeping is to baby and mommy, which is why I started doing it in the first place - also it felt instinctual - so I always feel so guilty when I put him down in his crib.

********

Yesterday my husband went out to watch a soccer game with a friend. When he asked me how I felt about him going I said, "GO, but I don't want to hear anything from you when I ask you to go out for a couple of hours one Saturday or Sunday afternoon with a friend. THIS is what we should be doing. It's healthy to have some time away. Have a great time!"

This naturally re-opened the discussion (argument) we had from the previous weekend when I asked for a couple of hours every other Sunday to go and do something I enjoy while he stays home with baby.

He told me it wasn't the idea that I wanted this time away, it was how I put it. He felt I was beginning to resent being a mother and that bothered him.

I told him he obviously didn't understand me, and I was sorry if I put it the wrong way. That I love my son, and just because I want time away doesn't mean I love him any less. "You have to understand that wanting this kind of time to do something I enjoy like seeing a movie or taking a yoga class is normal and important."

He told me he understood but that he felt I was changing. "Lately you seem like you're somewhere else. You're not focussed."

I told him that if I seem far away it's because my mind is always on what I have to do next, and there are always a long list of things. Also sometimes I check out, I dream of time away because I don't get it. And that it's not that I'm changing, it's that I'm growing and I need him to grow with me.

I think we he not only listened to what I had to say this time, he understood. We had a great weekend together for the first time in a while. Although he worked on Saturday, Saturday evening we cuddled on the sofa after the baby went to bed. Sunday morning he went and got us breakfast from the diner down the street. After breakfast we went to church and then came home to clean. Later he went to see the soccer game while I put the baby down for a nap and used that time to write. When he came home a couple hours later, he watched the baby while I took a nice long bath. And then we watched a movie which we haven't done in a long time.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm going downtown tonight for a roundtable discussion for a site for moms called ALPHA MOM. I was chosen after I entered one of their giveaways. I am really looking forward to it! I'll let you know how it goes.

************

I have to start doing yoga. My back is out of of alignment. It's probably been this way for a while. I wake up every morning with back pain vowing, TODAY will be the day. But alas I never do yoga, or exercise or lift weights.

Of course it doesn't help that I do all of my writing on my laptop sitting in a strange position on the sofa. And I slouch. You slouch too, you know you do. Straighten up. Don't you know that slouching is bad for your posture?

Didn't your mother always tell you to stand up straight? Mine did. I'll probably end up telling my son the same thing. In fact I anticipate gushing all of my mother's words of wisdom to my son unwittingly. I'll catch myself and probably find it amusing. If she were still alive who knows if I would feel this way. A lot of women I know are horrified when it finally dawns on them that they have turned into their mothers.

YESTERDAY - TODAY - TOMORROW

Love Rose

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