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mama's melancholy Happy Earth Day! It's overcast and gloomy here in New York City. I'm sure there will be plenty of festivities, but I will not be attending any of them. I'm feeling a little melancholy and just want to stay in and relax with the baby. I'll be updating ECO MAMA and then that's it for the computer today. I already had a nap with him this morning around 8 o'clock which was just what mama needed. I don't usually nap with him because I prefer to use his nap time to write, but I slept this morning and it felt great. But now as I sit here writing this I feel some kind of sadness I can't put my finger on.
The baby and I slept pretty well last night. Went to bed around nine o'clock and didn't hear a peep out of him until around one o'clock this morning which is fantastic. He slept that first leg of the night with me, and then I put him in the crib around three o'clock after he woke up a second time. His daddy had fallen asleep on the sofa last night watching basketball, so I went in the living room to check on him. Turns out he was awake, so I invited him into the bed. It's always nice when the two of us have the whole bed to ourselves for a block of time so that we can reconnect. We do this by intertwining our arms and feet and then after a couple of minutes when we need to reposition ourselves we part ways but always our feet remain in contact with each other. Baby is eating solid foods now and really seems to be taking well to the sweet potatoes and the bananas. I love watching the little faces he makes when he is savoring the food. Oh, and he makes this funny sighing sound. He's a real character. ********* I did not go to the ALPHA MOM meeting last night. I know what you're thinking. I promise you it had nothing to do with my husband. I was exhausted from lack of sleep the night before and it would have taken me over an hour to get there and an hour to get back. By the time I got home last night it would have been ten o'clock and I just didn't have it in me. I did write to them though and ask them to keep me in mind for any future discussions, especially if they take place on the weekends which is so much better for me. I know I should have made the effort and gone, and I probably would have had a fantastic time. But I just wasn't feeling it yesterday so I stayed home and had a nice evening in with baby and hubby. ******** I'm so excited, I just discovered that you can rent movies online at AMAZON. Is there no end to what they plan on offering? They are beginning to dominate the marketplace. Personally I can tell you that whenever I need ANYTHING I go to Amazon first. I'm sure that a lot of families who are trying to save on gas right now will be just as excited by this as I am. You don't have to worry about driving to the local blockbuster to rent a movie. You don't have to worry about availability. There it is on your computer for $3.99 a pop. Bravo Amazon!! ******** Got an email from my birthmother yesterday that my sister's two year old was rushed to the hospital Saturday evening when she discovered he was having a seizure. Apparently he had an infection in his leg the size of a pimple, his temperature sky rocketted and this caused the seizure. The first thing that went through my mind was, did he have a vaccination recently? I really must find out. I've never heard of a baby getting an infection in their leg before. Thank god he's getting better. They had to give him antibiotics. It must have been really hard on my sister. My birthmother told me she went into shock and her thirteen year old son, Joe, was the one who called 911 and rushed the baby into the ambulance. My nephew, Joe, god I love that kid. I don't have a relationship with her two year old I am sorry to say, but Joseph grew up knowing me and let me tell you the things that kid has seen and experienced in his short life so far is more than most of us put together. Imagine having a mother AND father hooked on drugs. Thank god my birthmother was there to take him in. If it wasn't for her I don't think he would have turned out so well. ******** My lawyer friend and I were talking the other day and she said something to me that really resonated. That you have this child and you love them so much that the idea of anything happening to them is unbearable. For the rest of your life, let's face it, you will worry about everything. And this constant worrying will never let you fully sit back and relax again. Your carefree life as you knew it, before the baby, is gone forever. Sometimes I look at my son while he's sleeping and I am in awe of him. I really don't understand how this child is the same little bean that started out in my womb. How does this happen. It really is incredible - one of the most beautiful things a woman can experience. I continue to be blown away by him. Most of the time I feel that I don't deserve the priveleage of mothering him. Why did his soul choose us? I just hope I don't let him down. I guess I better accept it now, the inevitable truth that I'm imperfect and WILL most definitely at some point, without trying, let my son down. Another thing to add to my list of worries.... Love Rose
Michelle - 2008-04-22 11:01:42 |
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