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<< what comes around goes around >>
2008-04-24, 2:59 p.m.

As I am fast approaching my seventh month of motherhood, I am really feeling the effects lack of sleep can have on a person.

I just read an interesting article on how lack of sleep can cause depression, weight gain, viral infections and may also contribute to heart disease and cancer. I wonder if this is why I've been feeling so blue.

Lack of sleep and sleep disruptions lead to a loss of dreams, it is that loss of dreams that causes depression. Because dreams occur during REM, which restores the psyche, it is no wonder it can lead to depression.

Hearing from women whose babies still aren't sleeping through the night, babies that are one, two, even three years old, is not encouraging. I need to see a light at the end of this tunnel as it begins to darken.

I NEED sleep.

I fantasize about running away, preferably to someplace tropical where I would drink pina coladas, sleep, eat, and swim all day long for a solid week. I would have some peace of mind knowing that my son is being taken care of by his grandmother who would fly in from Greece just to stand in for me.

Bt the truth is even if my husband told me to go away for a week by myself I couldn't do it. I try to imagine being without my son for such a long period of time and something panics inside me.

*******

My son goes from crying to laughing in a matter of seconds and its beginning to concern me. His moods really fluctuate. I wonder if this is going to be his disposition in years to come or if it's common for infants.

Yesterday afternoon when we went for a walk he lost it about one hour into our daily outing. I started bringing the carrier with me and usually if I put him in that he calms down and falls asleep, but yesterday he wasn't having any of it and I was forced to walk him home in my arms a good twenty minute walk.

Today he only lasted a half hour before he started to cry. We were going through checkout at the supermarket. The clerk was clearly annoyed by his fussing which stressed me out. It's hard for me when this happens, I tense up and get annoyed with my son and then get annoyed with myself because I'm supposed to be more patient and understand that he's just a six month old baby and the world is probably an overwhelming place for him. It's going to take him time to get used to being out. It's not his fault that for the first five months of his life he was pretty much shut up inside our apartment with virtually no interaction with anyone but me and his father.

As I rushed home with my reusable bags of groceries stuffed inside the bottom part of the stroller while the baby continued to cry, all I could think about was the annoyed look on the clerk's face. I probably deserved it. If there is any such thing as karma, then this is it. I was that girl. I always gave mom's with tantrum throwing children glares. I got on a plane once with a child that annoyed the hell out of me and literally screamed, "Shut your kid up."

Yup, I deserve it.

Now I understand what it's like and god forgive me for my intolerance, and I'm certainly going to have to learn patience. I don't want to be one of those crazy moms you see screaming at her out of control child to shut up. I WILL NOT be that person.

YESTERDAY - TODAY

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I am a 39 year old, stay at home mother of a beautiful baby boy. I got married late in life when I was 35, and had my son at 38. Although I never planned on marriage or children, my husband and son are the best thing that could have happened to me (regardless of how much I bitch and moan). My passion is for travel and cooking. I also love to write and have been blogging on d-land since 2003. (Click HERE to read more.)

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