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an email from a former lover So....I have failed to mention to my longtime d-landers who have been with me since my single days, that I am still in touch with Ross. For those of you who don't know who Ross is, he was my boss and my lover several years ago. We enjoyed a hot affair for a good year before I met my husband and then ended it. Although I have not seen Ross since I met my husband, I do occasionally drop him an email and he always writes back to me. I guess some of you would consider this a form of cheating, but I know what my intentions are in writing him and it has nothing to do with a desire to reignite a love affair, I assure you. Ross, being an older male figure in my life, is someone I look to for financial and life advice the way a daughter would her father. And not having a father who is present in my life has always left a void that I couldn't help but try to fill with older, married men. (Not that it excuses my blatant disregard for the wives involved, but I never set out to hurt anyone, and certainly not to break up any marriages). Anyway, Ross is incredibly well read, and being someone who has been self employed for most of his adult years he knows a thing or two about money management. (He is the owner of several successful businesses in Manhattan). And regardless of what you may think of his character being that he cheated on his wife with me, (or my character for that matter), he is a FAMILY man and I love it when he writes to me about what to expect from parenthood and how he is enjoying his children. That said, here is an email I wrote to him yesterday afternoon followed by his reply: Ross, Hello! I had no idea how challenging motherhood would be, but I am loving every minute of it and my son! He still sleeps with his dad and I, and I'm still breastfeeding. So he's really attached to both of us. Still, I struggle with identity issues. Who am I? Am I just a wife and a mother now? What happened to my former self? There is little time for friends and outtings. I do get out every day and walk and always feel better after. The baby seems to appreciate it as well. Will join a mom's group here soon. I NEED a community of women friends. I don't have that anymore. How are you and the kids? Hope you are well. Rose (Photos of my son attached) ************** Rose, What a handsome man. Of course, I expected that from you. Yes, motherhood changes things. I would suggest you just decide to work with your new friends who have similar interest, i.e. others first time mothers, instaed of expecting to carry over your relationships from your x-single life, one or two very close friends excepted. As sad as that sounds, you will soon become comfortable and start new memories and life experiences with your new group. It is the way things go..... and it works for all involved. Similar interests are intoxicating to a relationship, and you all can use the support. It can be very fulfilling, this motherhood.... I am told. For the next twenty years you are definately a mother, a nurturing, responsible beacon of understanding and guidance. As far as a wife, that is up to you. One is etched in stone, the other in cellophane, i.e. very fragile and not really necessary, if you catch my drift. That said, if both are fulfilling and long lasting, that's even better. Money Market funds are better than nothing, particularly while you 'bone' up on some other forms of inverstments. You learned that you do not like the volatility that came with your last portfolio but that does not mean you just stop this process. Learn about bomnds, bond funds as well as single bonds. Also, look into CDs from your local bank. you will find some options here tht you can handle and still do considerably better than money funds. Get Money Magazine and read it for a few months. It will lead you in the right directcion as it is a conservative approach to investing. Pay particular attention to its articles on bonds, both tax free and taxable, bond funds, and cds [ certifcates of deposit]. You might find these vehicles right for you. Money Markets wont do for everything, savings bank deposits even less. And, as long as your husband has a job, don't worry about a recession. ps. look at the DJ average today and look at it at the end of '08. It will probably rise 10-15%, meaning you could just put you money into the Vang Total Stk Mrkt and forget it ... and make 4 times your money market fund this year. While you are burned out, the market has opportunity right now for a comnsevative, long horizon approach. But think about bonds I have the Vang limited term tax free bond fund, returning @ 3% tax free. I also have a longer term fund delivering @4% tax free and a money fund delivering 2.29% tax free. multiply those returns by 1.6 to get the taxable equivalent and they are ...ok... and pretty safe/stable. The kids and I are great. My daughter was the lead in the 5th grade musical 'King and I'; she was wonderful, I am surprised to say, although we know she has vocal talent - she's been working with a vocal coach in Manhattan for 4 years now. My son worked his first day here last week. He would not stop for lunch because he said he would not get paid unless he was working - the acorn doesn't fall far. Skiing in NH this winter at our house in Sunapee, a week in St Johns under the sun. It could not be much better for the family and I am very grateful and blessed. Be well, be safe, *R* ****** You know he has a point about there being a shift in friendships. Now that I'm a mother I feel my single girlfriends fading into the background while women with children who I've known for years but never felt particularly close to are offering their support. ****** My husband wanted sex last night and instead I surprised him by giving him a blow job. What was even more surprising is that he let me. Over the years we've been together I can tell you that my husband has always felt uncomfortable about letting me, the woman he loves, do such a thing. In his mind it's okay for a sexual escapade or a one night stand, but the woman he loves, particularly now that I'm a mother, he just can't get around it and that's kind of sucked for me (no pun intended) because I really doing this - it turns me on and gets me in the mood. Okay, so now that I'm a mom I'll admit one thought did occur to me....this mouth, the one that's wrapped around my husbands c*ck is going to be the same mouth that will kiss my baby? YIKES....it's so hard to separate yourself. While I'm still this sexual being, the reality that I'm someone's mother now remains in the back of my mind and sort of ruins the mood. I hope I can get past this. I expected this mind frame from my husband, not from me! Of course afterwards my husband half jokingly told me that was it for at least another year. "What's the date?" he asked me, smiling. "April 29th", I told him. "April 29th...okay. Next year, on April 29th but not before that." I just shook my head with a devious smile and said, "We'll see about that."
x-centricity - 2008-04-30 15:47:18 |
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